Summer Update

We have had an eventful summer in our little apartment. Heidi got married, so what does that mean for us?? New roommate named Sandi. At First Sandi and the Witch were instant friends. This is common for WW, when she meets someone new she takes them under her wing and they become instant besties. This is until.. dun dun dun.. Sandi was cleaning out the kitchen and threw away WW’s food that had been expired for quite some time. BIG mistake.. poor Sandi she didn’t even see the attack coming. I guess Kacee and I COULD have warned her but we were enjoying the break from the crazy witch and thought maybe we could consider this to be some sort of initiation ritual. Once the witch realized what Sandi had done she let her have it. She claimed that the food was not expired and that she would be making a list of what was lost so that Sandi could replace it. The list was pretty long and was full of items that we know was not in the kitchen to begin with. Oh well I guess Sandi probably owed it to her for the emotional damage that the witch had to endure. Next up on my update list.. The Witch had ANOTHER ear surgery. Honestly I don’t know how she does it. How does she manage to get up in the morning with all of the trials that she faces. I mean yeah it WAS just to get her tubes taken out and yeah that’s not really scary at all.. but still she manages to stay brave in the face of adversity. She did happen to fall in love through all of these hard times. His name is TJ and they have been dating for 10 days. 10 whole blissful days.. umm actually I better make that 9 whole blissful days. Last night they had THE talk. “They” decided that they should probably back off a little bit. Things are moving too quickly and they need to slow down so they can be friends too. Oh and TJ really needs to concentrate on school. This came as a surprise to me because she told me that he says she has a lot of qualities that he wants in his wife. I thought for sure he was the one. 9 days is absolutely enough time to know if you have found your eternal companion. Haven’t you seen Saturdays Warrior? It only took one look for Julie and Todd to know they found the one and then to burst out in song. TJ quit being so selfish and marry the girl. Yes I would be so sad to lose her as a roommate (tear) but I know what the two of you have is special and you shouldn’t throw that away. PLEASE TJ! My heart is breaking.. sigh…

Marley
XOXOXO

Pushing Buttons

Have you ever seen the TV show called Snapped? It’s about women who snapped and committed murder. We had our own version of this show in our apartment. Kacee and the Witch both snapped and lost control. There was no murder but I am sure at least one of them considered it. When you live with the Witch she finds out what your buttons are and instead of pushing them she just holds them down until you freak out. Kacee is really one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet. She is the type of person that would give you the shirt off of her back. That just shows you what living with the Wicked Witch of Washington can do to even the best of us… The Witch made a cake and left the pan and half eaten cake on the stove for a couple of weeks. When Kacee nicely asked her to clean up her mess WW just ignored her and wouldn’t do it because of her pride. Kacee finally decided that she would take matters into her own hands and put the pan in the sink and left it there to give witch the hint to clean it. When the witch saw this she took the pan out of the sink put tin foil over it and left it on the stove again. Kacee took the pan put it in the sink again and smashed up the leftover dried cake. WW was the first to snap. She yelled at Kacee like she has never yelled before! Dropping F bombs… eyes bulging… fists clenching! Her attack only fired Kacee up and she yelled back! This fight went on for the rest of the night both going out of their way to annoy the other. At one point the Witch kicked open Kacee’s bedroom door putting a hole in the wall from the door knob. This was the final fight of the evening.. Kacee marched into the Witch’s room and told her that her behavior needs to stop and suggested (kindly I’m sure, wink wink) she go back to Washington. It appeared that the Witch was going to take Kacee’s advice and she spent the whole evening boxing up her room. Poor Kacee got caught up in the moment and was extremely excited, she had a look of triumph in her eyes. That is until…. I reminded her of the Witch’s pattern. I knew that she was boxing up her room for attention and that she had no intention of actually moving out. Sometimes it sucks always being right :) because the Witch is staying…
Marley
XOXOXO

Almost Kidnapped!!!! Sort of... well kind of... actually not at all...

The Witch dodged another bullet the other day. Bad luck just follows that poor dear. It really is too bad because she hates having attention on her. She was driving home from work and noticed that there was a car behind her, this car followed her to our apartment complex. As I am sure you can imagine her mind immediately sensed danger. Even though there are hundreds of people that live in our complex, what are the odds that one of those people would be on the same very busy road that leads to our parking lot?? Slim to .. uh.. none right? Or something like that… Later that night WW heard the bushes outside her window rustling. The bike rack is also right there which normally would have explained the noise. However, hearing the bushes rustle and considering that she was basically stalked on her way home from work, it was time to take action! So she did what any normal person would do… she called the cops and then announced to the facebook world that she was almost kidnapped. Even though it was a waste of time and tax payers money to have cops sent out to our apartment we are all breathing a sigh of relief that the sweet Witch is tucked safely in her bed probably having nightmares about all of the attention she received.

Marley
XOXOXO

What a Pickle

A couple of days ago we had another crisis. The Witch came in my room and she stuck out her tongue. Oh man the sight of her tongue (mixed with onion breath- she always has onion breath) was enough to make me want to vomit. Her tongue was covered with red nasty looking bumps. It was disgusting… A normal person would be embarrassed about this “diseased tongue” but as we all know WW is not normal. I swear it seemed like she was proud of it. We had a ward activity and she went around to all of the boys and most of the girls and showed off her tongue. You would think that after the first few people saw it and took several steps back from her that would be enough to stop showing it to everyone, but this attention addict fed off the reactions. Don’t worry it wasn’t contagious and Kace and I are just fine. Turns out WW is allergic to pickles.. Hehe.. Who is allergic to pickles? Here is a confession.. I fantasize about dipping her toothbrush in pickle juice.. Waa haha (that’s an evil laugh in case you didn’t know) I would never do that of course because if she had a serious reaction and needed mouth to mouth I am afraid I wouldn’t be able to save her. Before you judge me let me tell you that I hate onions! I just couldn’t do it.
Crisis number two.. we were in the kitchen and Kacee went to open the fridge… guess who was standing right there and basically had her foot taken off? Well I am PRETTY sure that her foot was almost taken off based off of the reaction the witch had. But don’t worry I was quick to act and I grabbed a bag of frozen veggies so she could put them on her ankle. See what a hero I am?? I don’t even think she saw me laughing at her behind her back! That was my good deed of the week.

Marley

XOXOXO

Ear-ritating

When Kacee and I first moved into our apartment we had some girl-talk with our new “friendly” roommate THE WITCH. One of the first things that she let us know is that she has ear problems. She is always having earaches and is constantly a victim (I swear I could almost hear a violin playing while we were listening to her sob story) We had no idea what we were in for though.. You see, the witch likes to have her alarm go off around 6 in the morning, she blasts her alarm and the same 7 seconds of a song will repeat for about an hour. When we first moved in the song was This is my now by Jordan Sparks. I think I would have liked that song if she hadn’t ruined it for me… The next song that we had the pleasure of hearing every morning was I don’t want to miss a thing by Aerosmith. I HATE that song anyway so listening to a little section of it over and over was almost unbearable! The song that we are currently on is a Lion King song. You may be thinking to yourself.. Oh yes a Lion King song would be a nice change.. And it really would be if perhaps she had chosen Hakuna Matata or I just can’t wait to be king! Or even, can you feel the love tonight.. But no what Lion king song did she choose? That ANNOYING opening song! AHH zabinwa awwetze wah wah.. I don’t even know what they are saying or what the name of that song is but that’s how it sounds to me. Can you imagine hearing AHH zabinwa awwetze wah wah over and over at 6 in the morning. The real kicker is that she doesn’t even get out of bed until sometime after I leave for work. It is pointless for her to have her alarm going off. We have tried to talk to her about it and she always tells us her sob story about her ears and how she can’t hear anything. WW did have to get tubes put in her ears and OH was that an ordeal! She asked our poor home teacher Max to take her. He came to our apartment around 5 in the morning to pick her up. He was knocking at the door at the time that WW told him to be there. Of course she wasn’t awake when he knocked and I had to get out of bed and wake her up! Max took her to get the procedure done and then sat at our apartment with her ALL DAY until Kacee got home. Talk about fulfilling your calling!! Sometime after that WW decided that she would prefer to shower in mine and Kacee’s shower! At first we just bit our tongues and tried to ignore it.. But come on.. That is just gross.. We can’t stand her anyway so it’s hard to ignore her hair all over our shower. Finally I told her that she needs to start taking showers in her own shower. She told me that its easier on her ears to shower in ours and that she needs to shower in there. Well we all know that I wasn’t having that! I moved her stuff back to her shower and told her that she needs to stay in there. That was the end of that. Yes I know.. I am hard core.. Step off this or I will mess you up.

Marley
XOXOXO

Tasty

Here is a question for you … Let’s say that you were watching tv and your roommate plus two other boys were with you. You were watching something that no one else wants to watch and your pride is a little hurt so you refuse to change the channel. (Who doesn’t enjoy a good power struggle?) The two boys suggest that your roommate physically snatch the remote right out of your hands. Your roommate obeys their command and comes towards you. What do you do? A: Give the remote to your roommate B: Shove the remote up your shirt and try to play keep away C: Grab your roommates hand and bite as hard as you can D: None of the above, You are a normal person and will watch what the majority wants to watch. See answers below:
If you chose A- come on you came this far into the battle don’t just give it up you sissy.
If you chose B- that’s the spirit, nothing like a healthy game of keep away.
If you chose C- Your name is Wicked Witch of Washington (Poor Kacee…)
If you chose D- You can be my friend.

Kacee: The Bully

Kacee really has gone too far. I am planning on sitting her down and having an intervention. She needs to stop picking on the witch. She was rude when she confronted the witch for stealing her coat and then lying about it, but her latest behavior is crossing the line. Before I get to what Kacee did I am going to share a little bit of history. WW went out with a guy named Stuart a couple of times. He was very sweet to her and treated her better than she deserved. The witch did not appreciate him and often made fun of him and his actions. You can all imagine my surprise when out of the blue WW changed her facebook status to in a relationship. As you all know it doesn’t get more serious than a facebook commitment. I was filled with sorrow the next day when I discovered that her status was once again changed, to single… After I got over the shock of the breakup, I was angry and afraid. If WW’s relationship (that was clearly meant to be from the start) only lasted for one day, what did that mean for me? Will I ever find happiness? I needed answers, I needed to know what went wrong. The universe was looking out for me because I didn’t have to dig too deep to discover what (or in this case who) was responsible for the breakup. All this time I was sharing a room with the enemy and I had no idea (shiver). Kacee, or as I like to call her-The Bully, and I went to a friend’s apartment to watch the Jazz game. It just so happens Stuart lives with our friend. At first we didn’t notice the odd looks that Stuart kept shooting towards Kacee, but after several uncomfortable eye-locking exchanges Kacee finally asked him what was wrong. Stuart then explained that The Witch broke up with him because Kacee told her that she didn’t like Stuart and that WW could do a lot better than him. I was crushed. How could Kacee do this? What else does she do? Push small children down steep sets of stairs? Step on poor defenseless puppies? Who is this monster? Even though Kacee claimed that she told WW the opposite (that she really likes Stuart and that WW should date him) and even though right then and there she and Stuart both texted WW and caught her in a lie, I am still unsure of who I can trust. Whats next Kace? You going to steal my diet coke too? You would…

Marley
XOXOXO

Tall Tales

Last night I returned home from a long day at work. When I walked in the door I saw Kacee cleaning the kitchen with steam coming out of her ears! Of course I automatically asked what did the witch do this time? After calming her down she told me that she was organizing her room and when she got to her coats she noticed that her favorite WHITE coat was dirty and had a ski pass on the zipper. Her confrontation with the witch went something like this:
Kacee: What is Soldier Hollow? (coat hidden from the witch’s view)
WW: Oh its just this place where you can go tubing.
Kacee: Oh have I been there?
WW: No you didn’t go with us when we went.
Kacee: Hmm.. why did you take my coat?
WW: I didn’t
Kacee: Yes you did
WW: KACEE!! I didn’t take your coat!!!
Kacee: Yes you did! You left the sticker on the zipper! ( holds up the evidence)
WW: Oh yeah… well you said I could borrow it.
Kacee: I did not, I wouldn’t take my white coat tubing because it would get dirty. So I would NEVER let you borrow it.
WW: Yes you did. You have let me borrow it like 5 times

I am sure a few more choice words were exchanged. A word of advice for all of the pathological liars out there. Keeps your lies straight, get rid of the evidence, and don’t tell on yourself! Not only did the witch get caught for her stupidity (come on.. seriously?? Why would you leave the sticker on dum dum) but she also told on herself! She has “borrowed” Kacee’s coat at least 5 times. The witch better cross off government spy as one of her career paths. She would get eaten alive… hmm maybe we should encourage that…

Marley
XOXOXO

Benadryl Bandit

The Benadryl saga continues.. When I got off work I received an annoying text from the Wicked Witch. She said remember to pick up some allergy medicine for Shannon (the girl that gave me the life saving Benadryl) on your way home and it was complete with a smiley at the end. Now you may be thinking to yourself that I am over reacting and that it doesn’t seem like such an unreasonable request. Well listen up.. there was a tone in that text, a tone that I did not appreciate even a little. WW tends to like to control situations and boss us around. I had every intention of buying Shannon a whole new bottle (even though I only used 2 disgusting tablespoons) and in my head I had it all planned out.. I was going to be one of those really sweet girls that writes a super nice thank you card and everything. The Relief Society president would have been proud! I had plans last night though so I didn’t have time to give her the proper thank you she deserved. I wrote WW back told her no and that I would buy her a bottle later. When I got home Shannon had Adam text me and basically demanded that I return her bottle. Well sheesh people! It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours and WW had told Shannon that I was planning on buying her a new bottle! Seriously?? Cant I have like a 48 hour window to thank you the Relief Society way? I don’t have this desire often, thanks for ruining it for me. I promise I am not trying to STEAL your medicine. I went to the store and the only liquid form of Benadryl that they had was for Children. Kacee told me that it was the same bottle that Shannon had given me so I bought it for her. I looked on Shannon’s bottle and it didn’t say children anywhere but I took them both to her anyway. Later I thought hmm I wonder if she will think that buying her children’s medicine means I think she is a child. Waahh ha ha its genius!! Even though the idea didn’t come to me until after I gave her the medicine I am sending her this message.. act like a child and I will treat you like a child by giving you children’s Benadryl (but thanks for being a good Samaritan and giving it to me in my time of need) After that we had a birthday party to go to. It was at a tumbling gym and it was actually really fun. They had trampolines, mats, a big foam pit to do tricks into and those big sumo suits. WW decided to do a trick into the pit and she gracefully ran down the mat, jumped on the tramp and went through a hole and down into the pit she went. The problem with the pit is once you land in there the foam sucks you in so it’s hard to get out. I was standing right above it when WW jumped in and I tell you what the view I had of her stuck in the foam was priceless. Her legs were up in the air and her head was kinked to the side and she couldn’t move. All she could do was look helplessly up at me and ask for help. It was so funny I actually peed my pants a little bit.. lets keep that between us though. Some of the other girls (who are obviously a lot nicer than me) took pity on WW and they put together a search and rescue mission phewww.. Lucky for Kacee WW agreed to get in the sumo suits and have a little battle. Of course Kacee was throwing her around like a limp noodle and it was hilarious. One of the guys that went with us fought Kacee in the suits too and it was an even match. How embarrassing for him right? After the tumbling gym we went back to an apartment for a little dance party. There is a boy that went with us named Justin and I thought it would be a good idea to talk WW into going up to him and just start shaking it. After a few minutes of convincing her and 4 dollars later WW went up to him and started to dance with him. It was super funny because even after I paid her she kept going back to him and would dance in front of him all seductively (or what she considers to be seductive yikes!) Justin owes me big time.. Maybe I will make him buy me some Benadryl to make it up to me. Then I wont have to steal Stingy Shannon's.

Marley
XOXOXO

My Hero

Last night I started to feel a little itchy and I thought maybe I was allergic to my new lotion. It was bugging me so I decided I wanted to look for some Benadryl. I didn’t have any and neither did Kacee. Heidi wasn’t home and I don’t have her number.. I was left with one option the WW. I texted her and asked her if she had any and to my surprise she told me that she did. She said she was on her way home and she would get it for me. The next thing I know WW came into my room with two different kinds of allergy medicine. I was confused and when I asked why she had two she told me that she realized she didn’t have any so she asked around for some and that was what she found. At this point I was thinking ok.. maybe she just ran into a couple of people and asked if they happened to have any Benadryl. All of the sudden I hear my really good friend Adam out in the front room. He kept telling me to go out there. I went out there and I could tell he was baffled that I appeared to be just fine. He told me that WW ran to all the boys apartments in a panic yelling my roommate is having an allergic reaction!!! Does anyone have any Benadryl???!!! This sweet little girl in my ward ran as fast as she could to her apartment to get the Benadryl to save my life. WW got it to me just in time.. if she had been a minute later I don’t know what would have happened!! My slightly irritating itching may have turned into a full blown scratch attack.. I could have possibly even drawn blood…gross.. I am glad that I provided her with an opportunity to get attention at my expense.. your welcome witch.

Marley
XOXOXO

Cat Fight!

Once upon a time there were 3 roommates who decided to go to their ward talent show. When they got there Princess Marley sat down next to her friend Jason. On the other side of Princess Marley the Wicked Witch of Washington plopped down and next to her sat Princess Kacee All during the show WW kept yelling annoying things and had everyone around her annoyed. Jason decided to pester WW and he kept saying things to get under her skin (giggle giggle) at one point WW punched Jason and Princess Marley said hey now stop that. WW was not happy about that so she told Princess Marley that she would punch her too and she attempted to punch her in the arm. She is a slow poke of course so Princess Marley easily blocked her fist and pushed it back. Right then WW grabbed her finger and started to bend it. Well there was only one thing that Marley could do! Her finger was being tortured and luckily there happened to be a strand of hair right in reach so she yanked! This made WW really mad and she told Marley that she was going to rip her hair out. Marley ignored her and tried to watch the show. A little while later Jason made another comment to WW and that caused her to flip him off (in a church mind you). Princess Kacee got involved and told WW to knock it off. The two of them got into a little bit of an argument so Marley leaned forward and told Kacee to just ignore her and stop talking to her. Well this made WW more upset.. She turned to Kacee and said I am going to rip her hair out. Kacee calmly said no you won’t or I will take you down. WW actually slapped Kacee in the arm so Kacee slapped her right back. It was a magical night. There is never a dull moment living with the Wicked Witch of Washington. Now princess Marley had a serious problem. WW was under the impression that she was stronger than Marley. This just won’t do Marley thought to herself. Just because Marley is a lot smaller than WW does NOT mean that WW can overpower her (or rip her hair out). The next day when tempers had settled and the apartment was in a playful mood, Marley took the opportunity to prove her strength. She Put WW in a headlock and held her there for a good 5 min. Even though this “fight” was in jest, WW definitely got the underlying message. DON’T MESS WITH MARLEY!

Marley
XOXOXO

Here we go...

Dear Momma,

I am almost positive you are going to be my only reader, so thank you for stopping by. In case some random passerby decides to stop in, here is the 4-1-1. I am a mid-twenties female who decided that I needed a little adventure in my life. I hopped in my little car and moved myself to Provo Ut (Happy Valley as most people like to call it, Yes I am husband hunting beware). As luck would have it I was placed in an apartment with the most unusual girl I have ever met. I like to refer to her as the Wicked Witch from Washington, WW for short. She is obviously from Washington.. I am not sure what they put in their water up there but this girl is messed up in the head. The "encounters" that we have blow my mind and it would be unfair of me not to share her craziness with the world (Or just my Mom). My blog is not for people who are easily offended so if you find yourself wanting to give me a piece of your mind please 1- Stop reading my blog :) 2- Go suck rocks (sorry Mom). WW and I live with 2 other girls. My cousin, we will call her Kacee, and our other roommate umm I guess we can call her.. Heidi. You can call me Marley.. I am not even close to being as cool as Bob but I love his name. I don’t think anyone can be as cool as Bob without the help of some Herb, pot, grass, skunk, boom (yes I googled slang words for marijuana). I have never tried marijuana but if it makes you feel as good as the happy gas at the dentist then no wonder everyone is so nice in Bermuda!

Love Marley
XOXOXO

P.S. WARNING: I have awful grammer but I won’t apologize for being dumb so deal with it.