Summer Update

We have had an eventful summer in our little apartment. Heidi got married, so what does that mean for us?? New roommate named Sandi. At First Sandi and the Witch were instant friends. This is common for WW, when she meets someone new she takes them under her wing and they become instant besties. This is until.. dun dun dun.. Sandi was cleaning out the kitchen and threw away WW’s food that had been expired for quite some time. BIG mistake.. poor Sandi she didn’t even see the attack coming. I guess Kacee and I COULD have warned her but we were enjoying the break from the crazy witch and thought maybe we could consider this to be some sort of initiation ritual. Once the witch realized what Sandi had done she let her have it. She claimed that the food was not expired and that she would be making a list of what was lost so that Sandi could replace it. The list was pretty long and was full of items that we know was not in the kitchen to begin with. Oh well I guess Sandi probably owed it to her for the emotional damage that the witch had to endure. Next up on my update list.. The Witch had ANOTHER ear surgery. Honestly I don’t know how she does it. How does she manage to get up in the morning with all of the trials that she faces. I mean yeah it WAS just to get her tubes taken out and yeah that’s not really scary at all.. but still she manages to stay brave in the face of adversity. She did happen to fall in love through all of these hard times. His name is TJ and they have been dating for 10 days. 10 whole blissful days.. umm actually I better make that 9 whole blissful days. Last night they had THE talk. “They” decided that they should probably back off a little bit. Things are moving too quickly and they need to slow down so they can be friends too. Oh and TJ really needs to concentrate on school. This came as a surprise to me because she told me that he says she has a lot of qualities that he wants in his wife. I thought for sure he was the one. 9 days is absolutely enough time to know if you have found your eternal companion. Haven’t you seen Saturdays Warrior? It only took one look for Julie and Todd to know they found the one and then to burst out in song. TJ quit being so selfish and marry the girl. Yes I would be so sad to lose her as a roommate (tear) but I know what the two of you have is special and you shouldn’t throw that away. PLEASE TJ! My heart is breaking.. sigh…

Marley
XOXOXO

Pushing Buttons

Have you ever seen the TV show called Snapped? It’s about women who snapped and committed murder. We had our own version of this show in our apartment. Kacee and the Witch both snapped and lost control. There was no murder but I am sure at least one of them considered it. When you live with the Witch she finds out what your buttons are and instead of pushing them she just holds them down until you freak out. Kacee is really one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet. She is the type of person that would give you the shirt off of her back. That just shows you what living with the Wicked Witch of Washington can do to even the best of us… The Witch made a cake and left the pan and half eaten cake on the stove for a couple of weeks. When Kacee nicely asked her to clean up her mess WW just ignored her and wouldn’t do it because of her pride. Kacee finally decided that she would take matters into her own hands and put the pan in the sink and left it there to give witch the hint to clean it. When the witch saw this she took the pan out of the sink put tin foil over it and left it on the stove again. Kacee took the pan put it in the sink again and smashed up the leftover dried cake. WW was the first to snap. She yelled at Kacee like she has never yelled before! Dropping F bombs… eyes bulging… fists clenching! Her attack only fired Kacee up and she yelled back! This fight went on for the rest of the night both going out of their way to annoy the other. At one point the Witch kicked open Kacee’s bedroom door putting a hole in the wall from the door knob. This was the final fight of the evening.. Kacee marched into the Witch’s room and told her that her behavior needs to stop and suggested (kindly I’m sure, wink wink) she go back to Washington. It appeared that the Witch was going to take Kacee’s advice and she spent the whole evening boxing up her room. Poor Kacee got caught up in the moment and was extremely excited, she had a look of triumph in her eyes. That is until…. I reminded her of the Witch’s pattern. I knew that she was boxing up her room for attention and that she had no intention of actually moving out. Sometimes it sucks always being right :) because the Witch is staying…
Marley
XOXOXO

Almost Kidnapped!!!! Sort of... well kind of... actually not at all...

The Witch dodged another bullet the other day. Bad luck just follows that poor dear. It really is too bad because she hates having attention on her. She was driving home from work and noticed that there was a car behind her, this car followed her to our apartment complex. As I am sure you can imagine her mind immediately sensed danger. Even though there are hundreds of people that live in our complex, what are the odds that one of those people would be on the same very busy road that leads to our parking lot?? Slim to .. uh.. none right? Or something like that… Later that night WW heard the bushes outside her window rustling. The bike rack is also right there which normally would have explained the noise. However, hearing the bushes rustle and considering that she was basically stalked on her way home from work, it was time to take action! So she did what any normal person would do… she called the cops and then announced to the facebook world that she was almost kidnapped. Even though it was a waste of time and tax payers money to have cops sent out to our apartment we are all breathing a sigh of relief that the sweet Witch is tucked safely in her bed probably having nightmares about all of the attention she received.

Marley
XOXOXO

What a Pickle

A couple of days ago we had another crisis. The Witch came in my room and she stuck out her tongue. Oh man the sight of her tongue (mixed with onion breath- she always has onion breath) was enough to make me want to vomit. Her tongue was covered with red nasty looking bumps. It was disgusting… A normal person would be embarrassed about this “diseased tongue” but as we all know WW is not normal. I swear it seemed like she was proud of it. We had a ward activity and she went around to all of the boys and most of the girls and showed off her tongue. You would think that after the first few people saw it and took several steps back from her that would be enough to stop showing it to everyone, but this attention addict fed off the reactions. Don’t worry it wasn’t contagious and Kace and I are just fine. Turns out WW is allergic to pickles.. Hehe.. Who is allergic to pickles? Here is a confession.. I fantasize about dipping her toothbrush in pickle juice.. Waa haha (that’s an evil laugh in case you didn’t know) I would never do that of course because if she had a serious reaction and needed mouth to mouth I am afraid I wouldn’t be able to save her. Before you judge me let me tell you that I hate onions! I just couldn’t do it.
Crisis number two.. we were in the kitchen and Kacee went to open the fridge… guess who was standing right there and basically had her foot taken off? Well I am PRETTY sure that her foot was almost taken off based off of the reaction the witch had. But don’t worry I was quick to act and I grabbed a bag of frozen veggies so she could put them on her ankle. See what a hero I am?? I don’t even think she saw me laughing at her behind her back! That was my good deed of the week.

Marley

XOXOXO

Ear-ritating

When Kacee and I first moved into our apartment we had some girl-talk with our new “friendly” roommate THE WITCH. One of the first things that she let us know is that she has ear problems. She is always having earaches and is constantly a victim (I swear I could almost hear a violin playing while we were listening to her sob story) We had no idea what we were in for though.. You see, the witch likes to have her alarm go off around 6 in the morning, she blasts her alarm and the same 7 seconds of a song will repeat for about an hour. When we first moved in the song was This is my now by Jordan Sparks. I think I would have liked that song if she hadn’t ruined it for me… The next song that we had the pleasure of hearing every morning was I don’t want to miss a thing by Aerosmith. I HATE that song anyway so listening to a little section of it over and over was almost unbearable! The song that we are currently on is a Lion King song. You may be thinking to yourself.. Oh yes a Lion King song would be a nice change.. And it really would be if perhaps she had chosen Hakuna Matata or I just can’t wait to be king! Or even, can you feel the love tonight.. But no what Lion king song did she choose? That ANNOYING opening song! AHH zabinwa awwetze wah wah.. I don’t even know what they are saying or what the name of that song is but that’s how it sounds to me. Can you imagine hearing AHH zabinwa awwetze wah wah over and over at 6 in the morning. The real kicker is that she doesn’t even get out of bed until sometime after I leave for work. It is pointless for her to have her alarm going off. We have tried to talk to her about it and she always tells us her sob story about her ears and how she can’t hear anything. WW did have to get tubes put in her ears and OH was that an ordeal! She asked our poor home teacher Max to take her. He came to our apartment around 5 in the morning to pick her up. He was knocking at the door at the time that WW told him to be there. Of course she wasn’t awake when he knocked and I had to get out of bed and wake her up! Max took her to get the procedure done and then sat at our apartment with her ALL DAY until Kacee got home. Talk about fulfilling your calling!! Sometime after that WW decided that she would prefer to shower in mine and Kacee’s shower! At first we just bit our tongues and tried to ignore it.. But come on.. That is just gross.. We can’t stand her anyway so it’s hard to ignore her hair all over our shower. Finally I told her that she needs to start taking showers in her own shower. She told me that its easier on her ears to shower in ours and that she needs to shower in there. Well we all know that I wasn’t having that! I moved her stuff back to her shower and told her that she needs to stay in there. That was the end of that. Yes I know.. I am hard core.. Step off this or I will mess you up.

Marley
XOXOXO

Tasty

Here is a question for you … Let’s say that you were watching tv and your roommate plus two other boys were with you. You were watching something that no one else wants to watch and your pride is a little hurt so you refuse to change the channel. (Who doesn’t enjoy a good power struggle?) The two boys suggest that your roommate physically snatch the remote right out of your hands. Your roommate obeys their command and comes towards you. What do you do? A: Give the remote to your roommate B: Shove the remote up your shirt and try to play keep away C: Grab your roommates hand and bite as hard as you can D: None of the above, You are a normal person and will watch what the majority wants to watch. See answers below:
If you chose A- come on you came this far into the battle don’t just give it up you sissy.
If you chose B- that’s the spirit, nothing like a healthy game of keep away.
If you chose C- Your name is Wicked Witch of Washington (Poor Kacee…)
If you chose D- You can be my friend.

Kacee: The Bully

Kacee really has gone too far. I am planning on sitting her down and having an intervention. She needs to stop picking on the witch. She was rude when she confronted the witch for stealing her coat and then lying about it, but her latest behavior is crossing the line. Before I get to what Kacee did I am going to share a little bit of history. WW went out with a guy named Stuart a couple of times. He was very sweet to her and treated her better than she deserved. The witch did not appreciate him and often made fun of him and his actions. You can all imagine my surprise when out of the blue WW changed her facebook status to in a relationship. As you all know it doesn’t get more serious than a facebook commitment. I was filled with sorrow the next day when I discovered that her status was once again changed, to single… After I got over the shock of the breakup, I was angry and afraid. If WW’s relationship (that was clearly meant to be from the start) only lasted for one day, what did that mean for me? Will I ever find happiness? I needed answers, I needed to know what went wrong. The universe was looking out for me because I didn’t have to dig too deep to discover what (or in this case who) was responsible for the breakup. All this time I was sharing a room with the enemy and I had no idea (shiver). Kacee, or as I like to call her-The Bully, and I went to a friend’s apartment to watch the Jazz game. It just so happens Stuart lives with our friend. At first we didn’t notice the odd looks that Stuart kept shooting towards Kacee, but after several uncomfortable eye-locking exchanges Kacee finally asked him what was wrong. Stuart then explained that The Witch broke up with him because Kacee told her that she didn’t like Stuart and that WW could do a lot better than him. I was crushed. How could Kacee do this? What else does she do? Push small children down steep sets of stairs? Step on poor defenseless puppies? Who is this monster? Even though Kacee claimed that she told WW the opposite (that she really likes Stuart and that WW should date him) and even though right then and there she and Stuart both texted WW and caught her in a lie, I am still unsure of who I can trust. Whats next Kace? You going to steal my diet coke too? You would…

Marley
XOXOXO